Celebrate Green Blog

by Lynn

The giveaway is now closed and we have a winner, Karen of Beyond Us Marketing.

It may seem at first glance that the book I’m about to review, Project Happily Ever After, Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters, has absolutely nothing to do with the topics we cover in the Celebrate Green! blog.

But please take a few seconds to follow my argument for including it:

• Healthy people make for a healthy planet
• Healthy people have healthy relationships
• Bad relationships can negatively impact health—physically, mentally and emotionally

Ergo (fun word for the day), improving the most important relationship many of us have will make us (and by extension, the planet), healthier.

If you don’t buy that logic, how about this:

Alisa’s book made me laugh.

It made me cry.

It offered ideas that even my husband and I, married 42 years, can use.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way…

The first half of Project Happily Ever After chronicles Alisa’s life prior to marrying Mark—the early, heady days of passion followed by an inexorable buildup of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and anger that slammed shut a door between them and led Alisa to seek solace (and not a little dark delight), in planning her husband’s funeral.

In other words, Alisa and Mark are no different than the rest of us.

We want (and expect) our marriages to last. Over time, we lose faith not because our partner is unfaithful, but because he doesn’t understand us. And she doesn’t care about football. And he forgets to call when he’s going to be late. And she cries over nothing. And he craves sex when she longs for sleep. He wants to read the sports pages. She wants him to read her mind. He’s detached. She’s clingy. They do hundreds of things that annoy and aggravate to the point of driving each other stark raving mad (all of which Alisa chronicles from her side of the relationship, with an appealing mix of humor, horror and unrelenting honesty).

This leads us to the conclusion that our marriage can’t be saved because whomever is not you, is obviously the person in the wrong and refuses to change (even if he says he will).

Any gulf that lay before us when we first married inevitably widens as time goes by fueled by our own maturation and growth as well as by the addition of children to the mix, jobs lost and found, money problems, moves, illness, lack of sleep, regret, resentment and every single mundane detail of existence. (Mark’s frustration at what he views as Alisa’s incompetence at doing laundry might seem comical did it not strike so close to home. My husband isn’t crazy about how I load the dishwasher.)

Yes, as they say, it’s the little things.

But once Alisa has gotten the nasty details of dissolution out of the way, she’s on to the good stuff—Project Happily Ever After, her attempt to save the marriage. She eschews counseling, but reads the masters of marital therapy like John Gottman, and formulates her plan based on what she thinks might work for she and Mark. (Actually Alisa is pretty much convinced the relationship is doomed, but a friend makes her promise she will work on the marriage and she doesn’t want to let her friend down!)

Regardless of whether she went into it with an optimistic heart, she went into it. And importantly to my mind, she didn’t follow experts’ advice like a mindless cult member. She sifted and tailored it for her situation. Loved that.

Alisa’s candor felt valiant and courageous. She could have tried to tell the story through a veil of half-truths or lies that would have cast her in the role of the self-righteous, wronged wife.

She didn’t.

I admire her willingness to expose behaviors, insecurities and thoughts (to say nothing of personal sexual issues), that most of us would reveal only under threat of extreme torture. Her gutsy disclosures, self-deprecation and brutal honesty create a credible foundation for her advice.

Although the book is written in Alisa’s voice, she is as hard on herself as she is on Mark, well, almost. Her pain as the marriage hits the skids is palatable. We can relate, so we are pulling for her to succeed and because she’s a real person, not a professional speaking to us from on high, we believe that her success can be ours.

Honestly, reading Project Happily Ever After sometimes was exhausting. Alisa’s scrupulous documentation made me feel like I was the one slogging through a mine field. The journey was so studded with mishaps, misunderstandings, animosity and back sliding, that it was hard for me to keep the faith, to believe that ultimately, it would work.

It did.

I’m delighted (and relieved), to report that Mark survived. So did the marriage. And Alisa.

I haven’t explained what’s in the plan because I think you really need to read it for yourself and ponder, as Alisa did, what might work for you. What the book offers is not a formula, so much as a series of ideas for you and your spouse to explore and chew on.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, I can’t think of a better gift whether your marriage is on the rocks or simply needs a re-set, than Project Happily Ever After.

Of course, the book is available on Amazon and most likely from your local bookstore, but in addition, we’re giving away one autographed copy to a lucky Celebrate Green! reader. Note: Only U.S. and Canadian addresses please.

Just add a comment below about why you’d like the book and you’ll be entered.*

If I’ve tweaked your interest in Alisa, be sure to check out tomorrow’s post where she writes about her frugal green book tour.

Lynn Colwell and Corey Colwell-Lipson are mother and daughter and authors of Celebrate Green! Creating Eco-Savvy Holidays, Celebrations and Traditions for the Whole Family, and founders of Green Halloween®.

*Winner will be chosen by Random.org and notified by e-mail so be sure you enter your correct e-mail.